Dear younger me,
I know you've always felt a step behind-- just a tad slower than the rest. It's okay. No one was meant to peak at age ten. The hard work you do now makes the harder work you'll do later seem less daunting.
Right now you feel perpetually invisible. Sometimes I still feel invisible. Just remember that there's someone who sees you when no one else seems to... even if you can't always see Him.
As you enter middle school, don't forget that your words are powerful-- more powerful than you know. The things you say will follow you like angry goslings, always nipping at your heels. Your thoughts are powerful too, even more than your words. I know how they whip around your head until they spin faster than a tornado, and sometimes they can't help but tumble out your mouth. It's okay to take a breath and let the tornado die. Sometimes-- most of the time, I'll warrant-- those tornado thoughts are better staying in your head, anyway.
You'll get tired of your invisibility and push to become a leader. Not everyone will want to follow you. Some will call you bossy while others roll their eyes, but when the time comes, they'll look to you for the final decision. Be sure to keep your chin up, but not so high that your nose sticks in the air. There's a difference between confidence and pride.
People will be cruel and leave you out, turn their backs and whisper when they know you can hear. I still can't figure out why. I know you so desperately want to be included. Even though it hurts now, I can tell you with complete certainty that you missed out on nothing.
As you enter high school, you'll begin to feel bored of making the right choices, but keep choosing good. Little actions add up to big changes, and you don't want to wake up one day not knowing where you went wrong.
People are broken. No one is perfect. Thus, it's absurd to expect broken people to have perfect friendships. You can try to work it out, but eventually you'll see that sometimes it's okay to grow apart. I know it hurts. I don't think the hurt will ever truly go away.
Stretch for big dreams. Lots of hard work and a big, bold heart can get you places you didn't dare believe you could go. Once you're there-- standing in your dream-- it'll always fit two sizes too big. Dreams wouldn't be dreams if we couldn't grow into them.
I'm doing my best to become someone you would've been proud to be. Life get's a little crazy at times, but I know we'll make it just fine.
~ Em
P.S. Don't do the side bangs... they aren't a cute look.
Dear younger me,
We've got a lot of growing to do, you and I. Don't let that scare you.
See, in this universe, things were meant to change. Time ticks by, as do smiles, tears, bad haircuts and even worse school pictures, shoe sizes, friends, and even aspirations. Change can be huge sometimes, but the truth is that it's inevitable (that means it can't be stopped... not sure if you know that word by now). But that doesn't mean change won't hurt, because it really does. It stings even still.
If anything, I should be saying I'm sorry about everything you have to go through to get to where I am right now. It will hurt so much. It still hurts a lot. I can't comprehend how you did it.
Whenever it is you start doubting yourself, please don't just push through it. It'll make you stronger, sure, but you're not meant to have so many feelings eating away at your insides. Cry into someone's shoulder, hug them, talk to them, work past those feelings together. You'll realize just how much it helps later. You may feel weak in the moment, but trust me, nothing is stronger than one who admits their weaknesses.
When you look in the mirror remember you are beautiful, on the outside and most definitely on the inside. You are needed, you are loved, and most of all you are chosen to do great things. Whatever stage of life you are in right now, you will find your people. They will get you, they will love you. They may only be your people for a short time, so savor it. But never ever doubt yourself because they left. You will find your new people, and they will get you and love you just as much, if not more.
Don't be embarrassed of the locket; it will remind you of everything you've endured. It will make you proud of yourself.
Please please please keep doing everything that makes you happy. Keep writing those two chapters of a story in a brand new notebook. Keep drawing those puppy pictures. Keep reading through the library. Keep striving to get your siblings to laugh. Keep exploring the woods. Keep renting Wii games and playing your heart out. Never lose sight of those things: they are just as much you as your skin and bone.
Don't let anything stop you from trying something different, or even being different than the "in crowd". Science says that you're better being you than being popular and by science I mean me. Step out of your comfort zone. Make a name for yourself. Strive to be better each and every day. Seize opportunities as they pass, it will truly build your confidence.
Have empathy for others. I don't have anything else to say with this other than I feel that it is really important.
Just remember there's always better times coming. You will have to weather the storm. You will end up finding passions you glow thinking about, people that make your heart soar, songs that will make you cry (for good reasons), new opportunities to grow, different ways to express your creativity, and ultimately you will find that God created you just like this, and all of his designs have a purpose. You were made for great things, and most people can tell just by looking at you. I know I can.
Rock on, little memer!
-- Abi